I realize that I promised updates/stories/posts about my trip to Jamaica last week and have yet to deliver. I apologize for this negligence. Turns out I'm not as good at making up a week's worth of missed homework as I thought.

Anyway, to start things off, I'd like to tell you all a little bit about peace. After returning to the states at the end of July from Jamaica, I've been busy with life, all the while knowing that something was missing. I felt that while I was serving with NextGen I had found a place where I fit perfectly. The people that I needed to pour into my life were there. And my gifts and services were demanded of me everyday. In short, I was living a life were I was continually receiving and giving out blessings. Coming back to life as a college student seemed so selfish to me. Rather than the balance I had found of giving and receiving, it felt as though all I was doing now was taking. Everything I do at school seems to me to be for my own benefit, and therefore of little benefit in the end. Frustrated and restless, I poured out my heart to God and begged for peace that I knew would come when He revealed His plan for my life to me. Yet the only answer I was given was one to simply wait.

I am sometimes very patient. But I am also a planner. I want to know what I should plan for. For me, this waiting was not peaceful.

I had high expectations going back to Jamaica. Connecting with that place, those people, and God again was a beautiful image to me. And I hoped I would come away from it with a least a small smidgen of guidance as to what sort of plans I should make next. Being back in control and able to plan, I would then have peace. Or so I hoped.

One of my favorite things about God is that I think he laughs at my plans. Not in a menacing way, but in the way that a parent laughs at their young child who attempts the foolish or impossible task. I think he often looks over at me trying to do things the way I think they should be done, smiles, shakes his head, and waits for me to be ready to accept his help. I love that His ways have nothing to do with what I think should happen.

I loved being in Jamaica for a week, back where I felt that connection to my calling. I asked a lot of questions and got many answers. From all of them, I did not receive my desired guidance. The funny thing is that I never noticed. It was only today as I was processing the idea of peace in my head, trying to form my thoughts about it into words to tell a friend who had just asked me about it, that I realized I am at peace with the future. I still have no idea what sort of plans I should make, and I am completely 100% out of control. Did I mention I'm at peace? Without specific guidance or plans or any knowledge of the future, I am content.

I still have many questions and desire many answers. But I'm able to wait till the time is right.

Thank you, to all who prayed for my restless heart these past few months.